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Women's Bodies

On Being “F*ckable”

A couple of weeks ago, Trash Talks Back wrote an amazing post which I wish all decent people everywhere could and would read, but particularly those who labor under this mistaken notion that power somehow resides in being objectified or that being objectified, hit on, propositioned, catcalled, groped, sexually harrassed, is somehow a compliment. 

A few excerpts– so good:

I weigh 260 lbs and am 5'4" tall. Most folks don't even think I'm attractive. But this shit happens to me. This wasn't the first time I've encountered the intrusive, male entitlement to comment/proposition/confront/inquire/touch me in a suggestive way, one that assumed that I wanted some sort of sexual contact.

But there is a difference in experience, here. I've had men who will insult me because of my fatness and my lack of fashion sense and then ask if I'll fuck them in the same breath. I've had men yell at me from car windows, all of what they're saying being insulting and objectifying; they'll say I'm "ugly" and say they want to "tap that ass" and it's all the same tone of voice.

I've been that woman that a man will fuck in secret, in a motel-room, on the side… I'm not the kinda woman that men want to date. I'm "fuckable," that's for sure, but it's something that I should be grateful for, since I'm so damn ugly or whatever. I've been a sounding-board and a bedpost-notch.

…I'd like us to collectively realize that, one way or another, we're all just fuckholes to the patriarchy. We DO come to that place via different paths, and through different experiences. I've come across women who've judged me based on my appearance, I've met women who say that all fat people are lazy and don't care about themselves. The fat and ugly thing is what gave me my overall sense of pugnacious rebellion, and I'd never been able to attach it cohesively to my experience as a woman before. While the attitude I mention does make me angry, I have to stand up for my "pretty" sisters here, too. Because they didn't ever create the dichotomy, they just "benefitted" from it in some ways. And the ways they've been hurt and mutilated themselves and starved themselves, well, it far outweighs most benifits, except those that are hard-line economical.

I'm gonna say it again, ALL of us are seen by the patriarchy as potential fuckholes…

We're all out there, grabable and pinchable, our asses a source of public discourse. We are all fetishized to some degree. We're all expected to strive for a starved, white, fragile, breakable perception of what beauty "is." We're all open to the on-the-street "proposition," the catcalls, the stares.

We have to fucking strike back. This isn't a friendly "struggle of opposites." This is a fucking war, and we're the fucking insurgency.

Damn, she's good.  Read the whole thing.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “On Being “F*ckable”

  1. Heart, both links to this post are dysfunctional. The link at the top is just doubled up, but the link at the end goes nowhere.

    Posted by Aletha | May 31, 2006, 4:45 am
  2. Fixed, and thanks, Aletha!

    Heart

    Posted by womensspace | May 31, 2006, 9:34 am

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