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Pre-2008 Posts

Partners and Friends of Partners, Back Off

What kind of astrological juxtaposition is going on right now or what?

I have now received — today and yesterday — five separate e-mails from partners or friends of partners of women who post or have posted here which have been either threatening (to me, personally), threatening (to the woman), violating of the woman’s privacy, intrusive,  or creepy and scary in other ways.

The hell.

Women here can speak for themselves.  Number one.  And I believe them,  not you.  Don’t e-mail me to intimidate me or bully me and especially don’t e-mail me to tell me a woman who posts here is a liar or to provide all sorts of dirt about her you believe I should know.  This is Women’s Space.  Here, it is female persons who are (1) believed; (2) given priority; (3) come first.




11 thoughts on “Partners and Friends of Partners, Back Off

  1. Kitty, wtf is right! None were about you, just to ease your mind.


    Posted by womensspace | June 13, 2007, 6:51 pm
  2. Something I’ve learned recently is that most feminist women became feminists after the most unbelievable shit happened to us and no one believed us. We tried playing by their (the patriarchy’s and men’s) rules and when the shit hit the fan, we weren’t believed. Thus is the reason that feminists’ stories are most times hard to believe. They’re the stories that were never supposed to be told nor believed.

    Whatever stories the women here and in other feminist arenas tell, I believe them, too. And anytime I want to hear that the women are liars, I’ll simply tune into the malestream media or wander into anti-feminist, anti-woman circles.

    Incidentally and only slightly off-topic, just two days ago I had to inform a couple of friends (one female and one male) about the hell that Mary Winkler lived while her husband was alive. The malestream media hadn’t bothered to tell her side of the story, which left my friends appalled that she received “only” three years, of which she would “only” have to serve so many months. When they learned of the abuse, especially the porn-inspired anal rapes, they, like us, were appalled that she was sentenced at all. Now, they’re believers, too.

    Thanks, Heart, for this place where women can tell their stories, stories that seem so unbelievable and are therefore not believed most anywhere else.

    Posted by CoolAunt | June 13, 2007, 8:08 pm
  3. I just now saw this, i was wondering why the post on top of page changed…

    this is weird,

    cuzz yesterday, i found my posts from groups on yahoo were bouncing, and it said, they were bouncing due to my language or something on groups, which is funny as i haven’t posted on the groups but one of them since i joined like a year ago, and the only group i posted was on a feminist and it was in objection to porn and prostitution,

    so i thought Thas was a bit weird, so took off the bounce, etc…Then, i get this strange ass email to my yahoo account, with the addess ‘usman and aishia’ with salaam in subject, i didnt open, just deleted, as it had attachment,

    but i know there is an asshole from a socialist party after me…so Nothing would surprise me at all, he got kicked out sort of but like, he’s still in the good ole boy network, he’s the one who ‘collects womyn’ online on all his blogs, etc, as he is a ‘woman’s right activist’ so he says, [puke puke] and then he targets single moms [and he works on the low self esteem, etc]

    then he turns and calls womyn whores on his Islamic blog…oh yea this guy piece of work, he told me basically to shut my feminist mouth up and that ‘i had issues with men’, [also the one who got pissed that i didn’t go to this convention and uh hum, share a motel room with him]

    yea, so anyway, i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not watching everything i do on web, as he said ‘he is not insulted without paying retribution’ etc etc

    [he does this shit to men too, his rivals —political rivals that is]

    i got tired of his constant email harassement every time i wrote on womyn’s rights to the party, and i finally just exposed what was going on…now it seems he’s taken his misogynist boy club and formed another party, and the entire party is like having it out….and he’s a big part of it

    and he was a governor candidate…

    so, Nothing would surprise me, nothing. But i look at it this way, if you get threats or intimidation via web, then the words against misogyny must be viewed as being a threat to the power structure,

    and i know its related, because its always after i made strong stands against porn and legalized prostitution is when i start seeing the weird online shit happening…to my mail, groups, etc.


    Posted by Tasha | June 13, 2007, 11:52 pm
  4. Tasha,

    Yes, the internet is a *huge* generator of and amplifier of mysogny in today’s patriarchy.

    It is, in fact, a tool of war.

    Never give out your real email address.

    When you get an abusive email from someone, reply to it telling the person that their email address has been added to your blocked sender list. That will inform the abuser that any future efforts to intimidate you will be wasted.


    Posted by Mary Sunshine | June 14, 2007, 1:32 pm
  5. What fuckwits! I’m always amused by how threatened men feel when wimmin decide to talk to each other and make a space just for themselves. But of course they get scared, look at what happens when they’re left alone for a few hours!

    Posted by Sazz | June 14, 2007, 11:23 pm
  6. Shit, I’m afraid to ask. I don’t have a partner currently, but I did post all that stuff about the abusive ex a while back.

    Posted by Melissa | June 14, 2007, 11:27 pm
  7. Heart, e-mail me if you think I can help.

    much love and respect,

    Posted by Ann Bartow | June 15, 2007, 12:09 am
  8. Nice!

    Posted by Kiuku | June 19, 2007, 6:25 pm
  9. Jesus H. Icefishing Christ. I would also advise anybody who receives threatening e-mail to not only block the address, but report it to the abuser’s e-mail provider — their account might just get closed. You might also be able to find their Internet service provider and city they sent the message from if you display the headers in the message and look for the last IP address in the header (the first one is usually the IP of their e-mail provider, i.e. Hotmail or Yahoo). Once you find the abuser’s IP address you can go to or, copy and paste the abuser’s IP address into an IP search. Then it should display what their ISP is and what city that ISP is in (which is usually the same city or area they live in). If the results are vague, it might mean you need to use a different Internet registry — for instance, ARIN mainly deals with American IP addresses, and RIPE mainly deals with European. APNIC is Asia/Pacific (These are all on the website.)

    The advantage to finding their IP address is that maybe they sent the abusive e-mail from a junk mail account and they won’t care if it gets closed, but this traces the company that provides their Internet connection. So, assuming they sent it from home, they could get their Internet account closed, or if they sent it from a friend’s place their friend’s account could get closed, which would not exactly make the abuser’s life pleasant, either!

    I know it sounds hard, but it’s actually really, really easy. One example of an IP address that you might find in the e-mail header would be the following:

    You might have to enter it into several databases before you get a result, but once you know what you’re doing it only takes five or ten minutes. For instance, with this one I didn’t get any result with RIPE, but then I went to ARIN and it returned the following:

    OrgName: NTT America, Inc.
    OrgID: NTTAM-1
    Address: 8005 South Chester Street
    Address: Suite 200
    City: Centennial
    StateProv: CO
    PostalCode: 80112
    Country: US

    So, this person uses NTT America to connect to the Internet, which is based in Centennial, CO. (This address came from a entry on IP addresses, BTW, so I’m not violating anyone’s privacy!) If they sent it from work, that’s also really fun because then they can get in trouble with their work. For instance, a friend of mine who doesn’t e-mail me anymore still looks at my blog a lot and does so from work. I know this because when I see this certain address on my tracker and put it into RIPE (she lives in England) I get the following (with relevant info changed for her privacy):

    inetnum: –
    descr: My friend’s workplace
    country: GB
    admin-c: CTs6-RIPE
    tech-c: CTs6-RIPE
    status: ASSIGNED PA
    mnt-by: CENTRIC-MNT
    mnt-lower: CENTRIC-MNT
    mnt-routes: CENTRIC-MNT
    source: RIPE # Filtered

    The results will also give you information on contacting the abuser’s Internet service provider, and they should be able to figure out exactly which one of their customers had that IP address at that particular time. And then, their Internet access will go POOF and disappear!!! (And maybe their job, too!!!)

    Posted by mekhit | June 20, 2007, 12:32 am
  10. Here, it is female persons who are (1) believed; (2) given priority; (3) come first.

    That is why I come here. Thank you, Heart.

    Posted by Miko | June 23, 2007, 4:17 pm

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