One night, I stay behind in the club, waiting to go home with the DJ. I wanted him. He had a reputation of hating women. I knew that he was the sort of man that I deserved.I thought I know how he would treat me. Oh, I was so naïve.
I can see it now. Now I see a teenager attempting to make sense of her world. She tries so hard.
I see her whenever I see “street-wise” kids out looking defiant. I can see their fear. I can feel their emptiness. As I see them now, now I can cry.
Then, I could not allow myself to think. I could not feel. All I knew to do was to keep moving.
I allowed him to take me to his flat. He never looked at me. After all, I was a whore. So far, so normal.
In his room, I was fascinated by all his posters. Pictures of women crawling to the camera on their hands and knees. Some were dragged along with chains, some in cages. I thought that I understood.
When he fucked me, it was so hard, so quick. I could hear somewhere that I was screaming. Only, I never made any noise. I could never show that much fear.
But he was hitting me, telling to stop screaming. He threw out of his flat. I had no time to think if I was in pain.
Only, I found that I could not stop bleeding. I just ignored it.
The bleeding went on for days. The pain would not fade. I could hardly walk. I fainted going down the stairs.